Trump had no alternative to bailing from the next Presidential debate because Zoom's hinky sound and optics would destroyed his plan to use the format to tout the All-in-One Snake Oil
he'd invented when shaping a COVID treatment regimen at Walter Reed while his docs watched in awe.
His patented 'Perfect COVID immunity and cure' are based on a special blend of fetal tissue and 11 herbs and spices combined through self-taught hair dye chemistry and a unique five-iron grip developed at his New Jersey golf course.
The elixir may also address StephenMillerProximity, Comeyitis, Porn Star addiction, the vapors, bone spurs and Barackophobia.
But some fake Deep State Presidential Commission full of losers and suckers decided otherwise.