Schimel spots threat, aims high

Good to know that new crime-fighting GOP Attorney General Brad Schimel has been in office but only a few hours and is already making you and me safer by suing in Federal court to overturn a San Francisco ordinance requiring the storage of guns in locked containers or being otherwise disabled when not being carried.

If you don't crush that kind of California Nanny Statism in the City by the Bay, it'll screw up our right to leave our handguns anywhere we want right here one time by The Lake - - under pillows or beneath the bed or on nightstands or on amusement park bathroom floors or church toilet backs with rounds in the chamber and certainly without those stupid trigger locks.

So this lawsuit on behalf of the NRA is an excellent use of Wisconsin taxpayer resources. We need to get any and all California influences out of Wisconsin, so expect Schimel to ban sourdough bread, and/or put strict controls on the use of the words "Giants," Angels," "Rams," Chargers," "Kings," "Dodgers," and "49'ers."

All items carrying a marked prices including 49 cents shall be rounded off to 50 cents, Yovani Gallardo may have to jettison his Milwaukee Brewers uniform #49, and a  task force will be formed to deal with the many problems posed by banning the word "Lakers," since everything from big freshwater tankers and freighters to bodies of water big and small right here suddenly pretty California.

Also: these Wisconsin municipalities that regrettably have had the purity of their names tainted by California counterparts will have to immediately Wisconsinize their names:

Ashland, Blackhawk, Franklin, Glendale, Greenfield, Hayward, McFarland, Ripon and Waterford.

Caledonia, Ixonia and New Richmond - - you're on the bubble.

California Pizza Kitchen and any Los Angeles-style food truck: Condemned.

Also needing to immediately leave the state due to various toxic California home or school influences:

Green Bay Packers players Davante Adams, Datone Jones, Clay Matthews, Nick Perry, Aaron Rodgers and Richard Rodgers, along with Milwaukee Brewers players Matt Garza, Khris Davis, Shane Peterson, Logan Schafer and owner Mark Attanasio.