Can Asian Carp Shape-Shift, Or Fed Ex Each Other To Evade Chicago Canal Locks?

Chicago's sewerage spokeswoman, pooh-poohing the idea that closing locks on its wastewater discharge canal to the Mississippi River to help block Asian carp migrating towards Lake Michigan, says those huge predatory fish have other ways of sneaking into the Great Lakes.

Don't underestimate the carps' wily ways or superior intellect: closed locks or a blocked canal mean nothing to these aquatic geniuses.

They could shape-shift themselves into canoes or catamaran floats.

Or they could have themselves airdropped by extinct, pre-ice age raptors brought back to life by demented, gene-splicing scientists.

Or they could overnight each other in perforated Fed Ex shipping cartons, marked "Lake Trout Food: Release Into Lake Michigan."

Anything is possible.