Give Conservative Columnist David Brooks Special Pulitzer

Tidbits from his hilarious NY Times column today about Mitt Romney's bio:

Mitt Romney was born on March 12, 1947, in Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Virginia and several other swing states... He was given the name Mitt, after the Roman god of mutual funds, and launched into the world with the lofty expectation that he would someday become the Arrow shirt man...

He uttered his first words (“I like to fire people”) at age 14 months, made his first gaffe at 15 months and purchased his first nursery school at 24 months. The school, highly leveraged, went under, but Romney made 24 million Jujubes on the deal... 

Romney also went on a mission to France. He spent two years knocking on doors, failing to win a single convert. This was a feat he would replicate during his 2008 presidential bid... 

After Harvard, he took his jawline to Bain Consulting... While at Bain, he helped rescue many outstanding companies, like Pan Am, Eastern Airlines, Atari and DeLorean... 

He barely won the 2012 Republican primaries after a grueling nine-month campaign, running unopposed...If elected, he promises to bring all Americans together and make them feel inferior.