Rail Opponents Breaking Up With WisDOT

Citing irreconcilable differences and mental cruelty, high-speed rail opponents have filed for divorce from the Wisconsin Department of Transportation.

The two have been in bed with each other for their entire lives - - it was one of Wisconsin's longest political marriages - - but as with so many partnerships, the parties are going their separate ways, over infidelity and money.

"We got together just fine when WisDOT gave us every new sparkly road we wanted," said Righty Blowhard, chairman of the coalition Highways Unlimited. "But now WisDOT is spending our money on a train, so we're breaking up."

Blowhard said the last straw was WisDOT Secretary Frank Busalacchi's brusque manner in taking control of the rail project's spending.

"We loved it when WisDOT kicked sand in the faces of those big city mayors or rural town boards to push through a new highway or bypass, but now he won't even look at us. And gee - - WisDOT didn't have to be so mean about it."

Highways Unlimited didn't deny the rumors that they were already in a relationship with GOP gubernatorial front-runner Scott Walker.

"He could be the next Tommy Thompson," said Blowhard. "I'd say more, but I don't want to jinx it."