Monday, May 25, 2015

About GOP hopefuls, righty columnist Kathleen Parker talks studliness

Is May is the cruelest month? Wisconsinites will immediately note the omission to the column headline question about how the GOP should choose which candidates get to take the debate stage - - "Who's the studdliest of them all?"
...why not just select our senior superlatives the way we did in high school? Who is something-est — the tallest, handsomest, smartest, wittiest, friendliest, cutest, nicest, toughest, most likely to succeed and, not least, most likely to attract about 40% of the Hispanic vote? 
Oh, and who can beat Hillary Clinton? Lest I be a spoiler, I'll let you fill in the blanks. I'd be willing to bet that the superlatives selected will be the 10 contestants — I mean, candidates — appearing on the big stage come August. Hints: Jeb Bush is 6-feet-3; Marco Rubio and Bush speak Spanish fluently; Ted Cruz speaks Spanglish; and Mike Huckabee is pretty funny.

6 comments:

  1. "Stubbliest?" Not in the GOP clean-cut sweepstakes.

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  2. I looked through all the superlatives and Walker just doesn't really make the "-est" of anything. I did think of one "-est" where it's no contest- Walker easily wins as most dishonest, as we in Wisconsin know so well.

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  3. Andy Borowitz had a refreshing take on this:

    http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/biker-brawl-suspects-only-slightly-outnumber-republican-candidates

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  4. The Desperado from Delavan was a Dipstick in High School. Not so studly since Tonette gave him the bald spot.

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  5. @ Anonymous 9:25 PM : No change, then. He's been a Dipstick ever since.

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  6. Pretty sure at least half of these guys have Grindr profiles, look forward to seeing them soon. So I do get Parker's point, just wish she'd at least share screenshots if not links.

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